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If you thinking of emailing us
and would like some tips
to help you control difficult behaviour

Please read this typical letter FIRST and then
the main points we make in our reply


                Client's Letter........                              ........Our Reply

Dear BCC,
We have a 9 year old daughter who has an older sister of 10 and a younger sister of 4. Sophie is a bright and confident child and has a very inquisitive mind.

My husband in particular finds it very hard to cope with her at times and ends up getting very cross with her. She is very stubborn and you have to ask her to do things many times and still she won't do them and this ends up with her being sent to her room or not have a treat i.e.., going out to the park etc. At the time, she seems upset that she can't have the treat but within minutes she is her usual happy go-lucky self. She sometimes even says that she doesn't care if she can't go swimming. Some times her behaviour will improve for a few days and then she will start not doing as she is told.

I find it very frustrating at times because if you ask her to calm down and stop being silly she doesn't seem to know how to. Sophie gets very excited about new things or situations and at times it is difficult to control her behaviour. A few weeks ago I had to go to the doctors and Sophie had to come with me. I was appalled at her behaviour as she constantly messed about in the doctors surgery, kept interrupting me when I was trying to ask the doctor questions and would not listen to reason. I ended up having to cancel her birthday party. She was disappointed at first, but then didn't seem at all bothered.

Sophie is a very loving and caring girl but to some people she doesn't seem this way. When she started her new school year (year 2) her teacher was having trouble getting her to sit still, listen and concentrate. Her teacher decided to give her a reward sticker every time she sat still and listened to what she was saying. This seemed to work.

Her teacher has told us that Sophie is a very intelligent child but finds is very difficult to put everything she has in her mind down on paper. Her co-ordination is not as good as some children. She can be very clumsy and doesn't think about how her actions can affect other people and doesn't always care about other people's feelings.

My husband is finding her behaviour very difficult to cope with especially at weekends and he just wants some advice as to how to deal with Sophie. My concern is that if we deal incorrectly with her behaviour it will make her worse and it will affect her future.

On a positive note, Sophie can be very entertaining and funny.

Kym Matthews
(identifying material changed)

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Email BCC

Hi Kym,
Not sure exactly what you are asking for.   It may be that you want "a bit of advice" or it might be that you are wondering about becoming a client and want some reassurance that your daughter's behaviour is the type of behaviour with which we are successful.
I am afraid that we no longer attempt to give one or two emails with advice because parents need more analysis of their particular problem than this allows.  The problem has often been created over many years and although we are usually able to change the required behaviours in a matter of weeks we feel it is not realistic to expect this change from one or two emails.  Parents almost always need monitoring and support in implementing the strategies we suggest.
Yes,  the behaviour you describe does sound typical of the type of behaviour that we successfully change.  This is the type of behaviour that we are very experienced in changing.

I could indicate to you why it is that the sanctions (punishments) you impose on your daughter do not seem to affect her, but a change in this area needs to be combined with a fundamental shift in the way that you handle her in other key areas.

We will need to train you and tips alone, I am afraid, will not help you with that process. 
We work with parents on the basis of a visit to your home to hear the detail of the problem that you are experiencing; and set out a clear analysis of the reasons we think your child is behaving in that way; then we spell out a clear strategy for you to follow to change the behaviour. 
Following the consultation day you begin using the techniques we suggest straight away and you phone us each evening (including weekends) until all the behaviour that causes problems has completely gone. 
This process usually takes between three and five weeks but can be longer.  Regardless of the time involved we charge a single set fee and continue to work with you until you are satisfied that the behaviour will not return.
An email with advice will not really help you as you will need help each day at the beginning to avoid the responses to your daughter's behaviour that are natural to you at the moment.  We will also need to train you to use responses that target the behaviour more precisely than the responses that you have tried so far.  Your daughter is as trapped by this behaviour as you are so your responses to it need to be carefully modified.   We would need to work with both yourself and your husband and it is best (where possible) if one or other of you can use an extension line when you phone.
We have a 100% success rate with this type of behaviour. 
I will be happy to talk to you further if you wish on 0208 653 9768.
I will be the consultant working with you should you wish to use our services.
Warwick Dyer
Behaviour Change Consultancy

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