Parents Need to be Brave to Change
Just a note to say that I have been very inspired by your work shown on
channel 4's bad behaviour series.
I am particularly impressed by your dedication to the parents and children
and your commitment to stay involved for as long as it takes.
I also admire
your bravery to take on (on National TV) such apparently 'difficult' or
'extreme cases' that other professionals would shy away from.
I am child professional myself and have spent the last ten years working
with parents around behaviour and developmental problems, developing the
parents plus programmes (see www.parentsplus.ie). Your ideas round the use
of minimal sanctions have been very useful to me.
Keep up the good work
all the best
Dr. John Sharry
Watched programme again last night and was brilliant. So many of my mothers get themselves into rages of frustration and the circles of bad behaviour escalate.
The young mum was very brave to allow her behaviour towards her children to be so exposed, and her shock at hearing herself was very emotional to watch.
So much of this style of reality TV is exploitive, but your three programmes have been educational and thought provoking.
I have just finished watching last night's 'Bad Behaviour' featuring single mother Anne Marie and feel compelled to write to you.
I found the programme incredibly moving - and at times extremely difficult to watch - but have nothing but the utmost respect for Anne Marie, and admiration for your ability to influence her to make the changes necessary to improve and change her own, and her children's behaviour. Anne Marie had the insight and strength to recognise that she needed to change and the tenacity to break established habits and patterns of behaviour.
I also wanted to say that as a parent, I found the techniques you used to be invaluable, and am much more aware of how my behaviour affects that of my son.
I had a difficult family life with a disruptive younger sister (of 3 years), who displayed many of the behaviours featured in your first programme! I can see that the way in which my parents handled her directly affected how she behaved, although I do wonder how much of a child's in-built personality has a bearing on how they react to parenting.
It would be interesting to know how many parents with more than one child have problems with all of them, or just one.
Thank you for sharing your methods, I am keeping the "small repeatable sanctions" idea up my sleeve for if or when it becomes necessary!
With very best wishes
I have just watched Channel 4’s “Bad Behaviour’ programme where you helped a young mother, Anne-Marie, and her five difficult children. I was incredibly impressed, both by your advice and support to Anne-Marie, and by her honesty and effort.
It was very interesting to hear your point about the myth of needing to get anger out, and how perhaps it is more helpful, and ultimately calming, trying to control temper.
If at all possible, please pass on my admiration to Anne-Marie. To have been so honest to herself about what she was doing wrong, and to have encouraged herself through the difficulty of trying something new, and moving away from the comfort zone of usual coping techniques, with only your daily phone call of support, was just amazing.
It made me look at myself and how easily I accept not trying hard enough, on far simpler challenges, and has encouraged me to try harder. Please wish her all the best for the future.
I never write to TV programmes, but would be grateful if you could pass on my heartfelt admiration and very best wishes to Anne-Marie who appeared on Channel 4's Bad Behaviour tonight.
I have a helpful husband, a nice house and one child (at private school!), who is strong willed and sometimes naughty, and I watch programmes like yours avidly for tips.
This has moved me more than any other. I constantly flounder and feel powerless and at the mercy of my four year old, I shout and swear from time to time and feel that what she achieved in controlling her own behaviour and dealing with her 5 children in such circumstances is an incredible inspiration.
Thank you obviously to you for your skills in understanding and helping her in dealing with this. I will take your advice to heart - I now have no excuses for not cracking this myself!
Good luck Anne-Marie and good luck kids, and I hope we can be kept in touch with how you get on, I hope you do go to college, that will probably be a doddle compared to what you have achieved!
Also, I am a part time corporate responsibility consultant and think the lessons of childcare like yours have a lot of relevance to management of companies, I am going to ponder it!
Very best wishes
After watching tonight episode of bad behaviour, I have been moved to write. I was astounded by the progress Anna Marie made on tonight's programme and would be grateful if you could pass on my congratulations and in short total admiration for her progress.
There are very few women who I know, could survive and come out with such determination as I have just seen in the programme.
It has restored my faith in people - to see such a happy family after all the hard work they have gone too !!!!
Many many thanks for the inspiration and lots of luck for the future !!!
Would just like to say how impressed I was with the lady featured with her five children in tonight's episode.
If there is an opportunity to pass on good luck and best wishes for the future, please do so.
I wanted to write and say how impressed I was with the program Bad Behaviour, more specifically Anne Marie's progress throughout the program. I admired her determination and her honesty. It is not easy for a person to see that the problem probably stems from them, but to confront it and change it like that, I don't know her but I was willing her to succeed and it looked like she had. It takes amazing strength and courage to break the cycle that we can get caught up in, she clearly loves her children and wants to do the best for them. I only hope for her and her children that she finds the strength to keep these changes and continue with their new lives.
It may be too late, but if not could you pass my best wishes on to her please.
Well done Anne Marie, you are an inspiration.
Also I would like to give you the praise you deserve for your patience and goodness for giving people a chance and helping them to achieve their goals with their children and their lives. I also like the backseat method of coaching you used, it was very non invasive, but supportive none the less.
I am soon to become a mother for the first time and I find these programs very interesting. I have also a tendency towards anger and it is something that I want desperately not to become a part of my new family's life. I am determined not to be so arrogant to think I am being a good parent and that it is my children who are bad, after all my children will only learn what I teach them. I think I have the benefit of age on my side. At 34, being a mother for the first time, I feel so ready, it was my informed mature choice to become pregnant, so I want to learn the right way to be a parent.
Thank you for the insight.
Dear Mr Dyer,
How refreshing to watch "Bad Behaviour" last night (May 17) on Channel 4.
We constantly hear about increasing levels of antisocial behaviour and the UK's yob culture and what the government proposes to do about it however I strongly feel that the increase that we are seeing is not being helped by the "blame culture" that we live in. Everything is someone else's fault - the teacher's, the education system, the government or failing that an elaborate medical condition i.e. ADHD, ADD etc.
Antisocial behaviour in adults stems from antisocial behaviour in children - grass roots - look at the parents. But do the parents want to look at themselves? No, it is much easier to blame someone else - no-one wants to take responsibility for their own actions. Your approach tackles this issue head on!
Saying that, I fully appreciate that some (in fact most) people do not have the positive parenting experiences to draw on themselves and generation after generation follows the same path.
That is why I am incredibly impressed and was very moved by last nights programme, where despite having all the odds stacked against her, the young mother of five overcame her anger and moved towards parenting her children in a more positive, happy way.
I felt so relieved for the children and the mother that they could turn their lives around on your advice. I hope that she finds comfort and strength in knowing that a lot of people who watched the programme would have been seriously impressed at the battle she had (and won) with herself to change. Well done to all involved!
Dear Mr. Dyer
I have just finished watching the Bad Behaviour TV programme and I wondered if you could pass on this to the Mum.
You are an amazingly strong woman! Well done. You were not too proud to ask for help and then had the strength to see it through. You bought a lump to my throat and you are an absolute inspiration. Good luck with your domestic violence counselling. Going back to study is tough but definitely worth it. Your kids will grow up realising how important education is and be really proud of the way - their mum turned it all around!
You are truly inspirational!
Good luck and best wishes
Ruth from Brighton
I have been glued to the series Bad Behaviour for the past few weeks but I must say that I have been most moved by tonight's program of the single mother with 5 children.
I would like you to convey my deepest admiration to the mother in the program from a woman and a mother who has had many more advantages to succeed as a parent than her. Her strength to change her life and her family life was amazing and I think she is an incredible person.
She is an inspiration
Dear Anne Marie,
I watched the programme about you and your children last week, and I was absolutely overwhelmed.
My circumstances are very different to yours, and sometimes I have seen children who seem to be out of control and have judged them and their parents too harshly. You made me realise that there are many different reasons and situations that people find themselves in that can lead to the problems that you encountered.
The work Warwick does is fantastic and he’s obviously given you the tools you needed, but you could not have achieved what you have done without great strength and huge love for your children.
I have never felt so proud of someone I do not know, I was so impressed by your determination and I sat at the end of the programme with a big smile on my face.
Your children were great and it was lovely to watch how they responded to the changes in the house and how close they were to you,
They are very lucky to have such a fantastic mum,
I wish you all health and happiness for the future,