Dedication (p 2)
Comments in the National Press (p
3)
(for back cover)
Contents (p
5)
Introduction (p
15)
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A Book
for Parents, Not a Parenting Book
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Interactive
Behaviour Theory
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Not a new
behaviour disorder
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Antecedent
- Behaviour - Consequences.
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The simplest model a
behaviourist can use for the use of rewards of sanctions is ABC. Antecedent Behaviour Consequence
In Chapter Three we listed the behaviour’s
Spoiling a child, by which I
mean giving a child short term benefits even though they ultimately harm them
should not be thought of as misplaced love but supreme selfishness. Our responses are so crucial we cannot use
what we are prepared to put up with as the standard of our child’s
behaviour. The bubble we create in our
home has to match the norms expected outside the home if our child is to make
friends and be happy. Our tolerance level and our expectation that our children
are not rude or angry or violent cannot be based on its effect on us but rather
its long term affect on them; on their school life, their friendships and their
self-esteem.
Part 1(23)
How parents train
their child to be
“bad”
(Why Children behave badly)
1. Chapter (24)
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‘Bad’
Behaviour is Interactive
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Apart from the use of drugs Scenario five
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What
makes parents respond in these ways?
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2. Chapter (29)
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Leave
Primary Mode Behaviour Behind
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3. Chapter
(34)
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Expecting them to want to do it
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You
cannot Insist that a child should want to do something
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Still
Making Up Your Mind
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4. Chapter
(39)
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What
issues in the home should be non-negotiable?
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5. Chapter (42)
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Making
Categorical Statements
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The
standard of Perfection
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Sanction them for not
accepting correction for what they do
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Words
that deny culpability
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The myth
of the “terrible teens”
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Without
sanctions no statement can be categorical
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6. Chapter
(51)
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We don’t
talk about Consequences
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Beware
the new ‘Victorians’
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The simple and traditional
ABC model for behaviour modification always shows the child’s changed behaviour
as the end point - as the goal. This
model may be adequate for animals but for children the model needs to focus on
the decision that the child makes a split second before he
complies. see chapter 23.
7. Chapter
(57)
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Mecury’s
Child as King – The reversal of Roles
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To physically force the child to do it is the same as
Forcing (encouraging) them with sanctions.
(not seeing the importance of the child agreeing to allow themselves to
comply)
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The main reason for serious
‘bad’ behaviour
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Avoiding
confrontation - Ignoring ‘bad’ behaviour
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Getting their own way is not
the reward
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Not noticing is not the
same as Ignoring
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Given the
right to choose but, not to choose this
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The
Parents' authority and the Child's Self-esteem
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8. Chapter
(70)
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How
parents feel about Mercury’s Child
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Parents are convinced that they only treat their children
differently because they are behaving differently; in reality their children
are trapped into behaving differently because of the way their parents treat
them
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The myth
that age implies different levels of culpability
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9. Chapter
(76)
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Mercury’s
Child as Scapegoat
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Bad
behaviour is not real
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Defining
the problem in a way
that
makes it impossible to change
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Casting yourself as victim
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Reward in
the bad boy/girl role itself
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10. Chapter
(89)
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The key
Interpersonal Sanction
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We have
tried ‘nice and placid’
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The need
for tangible sanctions
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Small and
technical not large and emotional
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11. Chapter
(92)
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The myth
that the role of parenting is a matter or choice
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Reluctance
to take on the ‘role’ of Parent
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Rights
that cannot be given to the child
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12. Chapter
(95)
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Rights
that must be given to the child
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Preserving
your pre-child self
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All your efforts to stop
your child from getting attention in the wrong way will be for nothing if you
do not give your time freely when your child is behaving normally. Sometimes
parents have told me that they vowed when they had
In Chapter Three we listed
the behaviour’s children tend to display grouped together when they have failed to accept the
principle that behaviour has consequences.
The Parents of Mercury’s child will find this chapter far more
difficult. IS THIS PASSAGE IN?
move to next chap
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Your
Child’s Right tor Attention
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The story about the twins on the beach on holiday!!!!!!!
move to next chap
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Certainty
– the key to a happy childhood
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Dependency
the essence of childhood
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The
necessary myth that parents are perfect
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Protecting the child from
things too serious
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These
rights are even more important when children are behaving badly
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The child’s right to say
anything Don’t train not to say -
Trained how to say
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The Child
Is Entitled to a Predicted Future
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13. Chapter
(99)
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Time,
Attention and Commitment
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Preserving
your pre-child self
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Your
Child’s Right to Attention
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14. Chapter
(103)
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Typical characteristics of
Mercury Child’s parents
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Mercury’s Parents -
Predictable Misconceptions
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15. Chapter
(103)
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‘Wait
till dad gets home’ The importance of
parental equality
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I’ve started so I’ll finish
– crossing lines
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16. Chapter
(107)
17. Chapter (110)
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Rewarding ‘bad’ behaviour - Two Targets
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Sanctions require positiveness
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The concept of ‘no’
- Two polarised mistakes
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Parents do not reward ‘bad’ behaviour by comforting a
distressed baby. Giving this comfort is
always right
When not to
Make Your Child Feel Better
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Never protect
them from their own behaviour
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Not your job to
get them to do what you want
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18. Chapter
(118)
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Accepting the Child whilst
Not Accepting the behaviour
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What our children think we
think of them
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“Right if that is what
you think that is what you will get’
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19. Chapter
(121)
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A
Predictable Group of Behaviours
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20. Chapter
(125)
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The first task when changing ‘bad’ behaviour
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21. Chapter
(131)
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The Real
World as a Template
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Children
behave illogically because parents do
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